I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
