dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
