CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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