And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
