3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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