chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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