i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
