I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
