just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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