my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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