Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
