they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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