Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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