fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
