Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They have beer where we have blood.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
