My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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