i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
