I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
