Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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