Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
