You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
