i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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