help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
