so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The air taste purple.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
