I just gift wrapped bread.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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