Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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