and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
