He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
