Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
