Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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