I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
