Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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