marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
