Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
