I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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