I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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