I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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