$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
