I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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