i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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