I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
