She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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