i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
