When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
