I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
