you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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