your parents love me but you hate me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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