Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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