u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
