Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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