Girls should come with a carfax report
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
