i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
