He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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