Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Couch. On fire.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
