Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
dude. I can hear the air.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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