Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
