I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
