Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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