I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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