Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
BRING THE BAGELS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
