Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
